As a mother of four children, I have, until recently worked full time in a high-profile job. As a high functioning professional and mother with a diagnosis of a severe and enduring eating disorder, life has continued to throw many challenges my way. Now, at a crossroad in my life, I want to live authentically, with purpose. Writing allows me to give voice to the battles that lie within.
As I continue working towards recovery, I am faced with the reality that nothing changes if nothing changes.
I hope my skills and hard-won experience will help me move in a direction of eating disorder and trauma recovery and allow me to create change, in not only myself, but also in eating disorder advocacy and eating disorder education.
An inside story about the hard slog of eating disorder recovery
My eating disorder (ED) stipulated that isolating myself was essential for survival. I had no capacity left in my mind or body to function as me. Until I could master self-compassion and self-care, any progress would be skin deep. To trust myself and become part of my treatment team required connection with the darkest layers within, where..
Climbing the mountain in my mind to see who I can be (without an eating disorder)
I stand at the kitchen bench and look at the dishes to wash. I see the shopping list out of the corner of my eye. I know that piles of washing are waiting to be folded. Instead of starting to do any of these mundane yet necessary tasks, I turn to the backdoor. With the..
Recovery, healing and growth are compromised when addictive behaviours shield an eating disorder
“Recovery” is a treacherous word that is spoken about freely by people who have admitted they live with an addiction. From drugs to alcohol, eating disorders, workaholism, depression, anxiety, control, overthinking, self-harm or perfectionism, none of us are perfect yet many of us find a way to hold our pain at bay. For me this..
Home is where eating disorder healing will happen
To eat and be placed in a holding yard is neither helpful, effective nor holistic when trying to recover from an eating disorder (ED). While hospital is useful and often necessary, our health system is like a bucket full of water. One that has so many holes that it is too easy to quietly slip..
Departing a rudderless sea to save myself
When young, I never imagined the world had a plan of its own. I was only aware of my existence and those close to me, never questioning there was choice between how, where, what or why anything may happen and how I was expected to manage the external world when it started to penetrate my..
Waiting… for doctors to listen or for my heart to stop
Ask me no questions, I will tell you no lies. I am honest, trustworthy, loyal and fair. However, a part of me lurks in the shadows. A part of me that I try not to release and remain terrified that if seen will expose the ugliness within. This part of me is present and omnipotent..
Dying but not sick enough to have a hospital bed
If only an eating disorder (ED) could show up on a scan. What a disgrace our public health sector is in Australia. I say “our” as it could be you, your mother, sister, or friend instead of me. My mother always said, “Do not air your dirty laundry to others,” but now I am ignoring..